I am a thirty something married gay boy living in Sydney, almost on top of the gay scene but not in it!
Why Sometimes blue?, because I love blue, but also I am sometimes blue :)
more about drew
My Facebook commenting has been alive with a very humorous story the last twenty four hours.
The wife of a friend works in a private Catholic Boys high School and yesterday she found an empty condom package in the school library and of course twittered to Facebook her unusual find.
Ah there are so many things to say at this point and the comments from here friends and myself are running thick and wild!
At least they are having safe sex in the library LOL
I did have a look at her friends list and she has some very hot boys who have left school in the last few years.
Ah the fantasy of 18 year old private school boys getting it on in the school library!
Gold!
Mind you with all the media attention of the Catholic Church with gay priests and molestation accusations you hope it's the boys and not the priests!
As I get older the visible signs of aging become more apparent (doesn't that sound like an advert for moisturizers?).
Apart from my new zeal for the gym it's also that time of life that you seriously start to think about reversing some of the signs of aging.
One of the big issues I have is thinning hair and I have been taking propecia for several years to stop the good old hair from falling out. With great results, before taking it I was significantly thinning on top, but these days I do have a lot more hair.
Mind you if I started it much sooner I may have even more hair, but live and learn I suppose.
Up until a few years ago I used to keep my hair bleached blond (or at least highlighted) but stopped when my hair became thin and have never really gone back.
I do miss being a blond instead of a mousy brown, but the issue is now the grey hair is starting to show more and more.
Our first adopted child with the subtlety of a sledgehammer told me I should be putting a colour rinse through my hair to get rid of the blond streaks.
I didn't pay that much attention at the time but then I asked second adopted child and he suggested that maybe I should too.
I don't know about this, while I was young it was cool to colour my hair, but now I am frightened of being that old guy with the greying roots and unnatural hair colour.
Everyone knows one of those guys they see out there with a deep dark coloured hair but the roots show a totally different story.
The 2nd child and I got into a discussion about aging gracefully or disgracefully. And I said that I wanted to age with class like George Clooney who has great salt and pepper hair.
His response was "you don;t think he's hard other work done?"
Good point I suppose!
We are all mindful of our visible age as opposed to our actual age.
Depending on the day of the week I can look my age to look ten years younger. My skin is relatively wrinkle free (until I smile ) from using moisturizer on my skin since I was a teenager.
I tried botox a few months ago and will definitely have more even if the 2nd child told me I had creepy stare all the time, I just think I need to get some more and learn not to have creep look LOL.
I have been bleaching my teeth the last few weeks and am enjoying the results.
But the rinse through the hair is one that has me stumped, really stumped!
I don't want to try and look like a youngster I just want to look good for my age, and be age appropriate.
I have always said to myself I would not say no to a bit of a face tuck if I could be guaranteed of natural results and not end of looking like Jocelyn Wildenstein.
An old friend had some face work done a couple of years ago and it looked great. It was just the bags under his eyes removed some minor tightening and some skin peeling. And hey presto he looked 10 - 15 years younger.
Granted he was looking older than he was, but the results were great.
He even tried a hair rinse, but I think he got the wrong colour and ended up with dark black hair which looked kind of ridiculous on him.
So should we age gracefully like Katheryn Hepburn or should we pull out all the stops like Demi Moore?
This week has been a bit of a right off in terms of my gym training.
After the huge party weekend I have been feeling exhausted and although the gym has been on my mind I did not manage to actually pull my finger out and get there till today.
On the up side my workout today was definitely stronger and better than the workouts I have had to date.
I managed to bench press more than I have in this cycle and got through the entire 8 excercise workout.
I am buggered now though, but I can feel I have worked out well because my muscles have that good old fatigued feeling and a little bit of burning all rolled into one.
Nest week definitely the three workouts will be achieved, who knows I may even sneak a fourth in if I am lucky!
Late last week it was my Birthday and what do you do when it's your Birthday weekend?
You throw a party and invite all of your friends to come and celebrate with you.
We had a blast starting off at our place and then moving to one of the newly 'gay' clubs on Oxford street. I say 'new' because it's one of the old straight clubs that has now been taken over by the gays.
Apart from having an amazing time with all of our friends we ended up at a day club the next day for a few hours and as is my usual personality type I end up talking with everyone, and I seriously mean everyone.
One young guy a mate and I started to chat with was well and truly hammered and gone.
The conversation was just one of the funniest and weird I have ever had in a club.
At first glance from a distance this guy looked cute and the mate I was with was pretty keen on him. But that soon stopped....
Me: How are you going?
Him: Yeah
Me: Having a good night?
Him: Haven't had sex in three months
Me: Um why?
Him: looks around a bit and says. My girlfiend's in jail
Me: Right, why?
Him: Oh it was some shit that caught up with the bitch before I met her
Me: OK, you do realise this is a gay bar (he looked really straight and smashed and we wouldn't have been surprised if he had no idea)
Him: Yeah, I've just got out of jail
Me: Um Why? (at this point I was wondering what jail had to do with being in a gay bar, was he looking to roll some gay guy for their wallet?)
Him: Armed Robbery, I held up a 711 with a gun
Me: Ok, (moving away slightly) what happened
Him: Armed Robbery I was high and I pulled a gun on the guy behind the counter cause I was high
Me: On Meth? (I was getting very nervous by now)
Him: Nah heroin, the fucker locked the door and wouldn't let me out so I head butted to glass door until I passed out while he waited for the police
Me: Wow that's um ..... You don't have a gun now do you? (I was really nervous now)
Him: Nah, I spent two months in jail (suprised that he only spent two months in jail for armed robbery)
Me: When did you get out?
Him: Friday
Me: And you came to a gay bar?
Him: I got raped by four guys within two hours and had to have 6 stitches, I think I like guys
Me: Oh look my friends are calling me
And then I ran off as fast as I could.
Apart from the fact that he was totally smashed beyond belief, the whole episode reminded me of just how lucky on life we have been. Reading through the lines you could tell he most likely had a totally screwed up life, probably bad home environment when he was younger and a lack of good school and parental influences
It just reminds you how so lucky you are to have grown up with parents who cared and had positive role models for your life.
Not to mention the ability to be ok with your sexuality and work your way through it.
I saw this guys several times talking to different people during the rest of the morning and every time I saw him I was still shocked.
In all my reading, listening and being told what to take over the last couple of months I have added some supplements to my diet.
In particular after reading The Healthy Boy Blog I started taking Silica a few months back for my hair and skin, and let me say the difference in both has been noticeable.
In addition to the Silica I have also been taking Evening Primrose oil and that in conjunction with the silica has really helped sooth and smooth my skin.
A friend also suggested I take fish oil to help lubricate all the old joints and help protect the good old heart.
That's one of those supplements that has no discernible effect but if it helps reduce cholesterol from eating badly then so be it.
Once I have got through my 'getting back to the gym routine', I will start taking some specific supplements again for muscle growth.
I really like the NoXplode Creatine and take it before going to the gym currently, but I will soon start loading on creatine every day when I am back to full workouts.
My previous gym trainer used to get me to take a good whey protein and waxy maize to help the muscle growth and recovery and I will start this again too.
With my desire to give up smoking in the coming weeks I know I will be eating more and more so I will have to be careful what I eat, although I think when I initially give up I will let myself eat anything I want so I have a better chance of succeeding.
The other two supplements I am thinking of taking are Glutamine and Tribulus.
Tribulus is a supplement which helps increase your natural testosterone and is good apparently for building muscle mass.
I must say with what I take now it's bloody hard enough to shovel down the fish oil, evening primrose and silica and still eat!
In my new motivated state to get back to the gym and take control again of my body I found a great blog a couple of weeks back Super Size Chris.
Chris's blog is chronicling his getting back into fitness and putting on muscle mass and definition.
It's been a really interesting and motivating read let me tell you!
From the picture below you can see how he started out back in December of last year. Let's face it, he had a good foundation to start with and was certainly very lean (and rather cute too :).
But now almost seven months later the fruits of his efforts are very definitely showing!
He looks bloody hot if you ask me!
The point of this apart from offering up some hot eye candy is this part of my inspiration to get back to the gym.
It really helps knowing that gains and changes can be made to the way your body looks.
Also reading through his journey it has helped me identify some of the things that I am putting into place.
The last time I was seriously training was well over a year and half ago and I had a trainer once a week.
For six months I was doing split routines, and although I was maintaining a lean body I didn't really see the results I wanted to see.
I think this was due to a number of factors:
I don't think I was eating enough
I don't think I was always working out as hard as I should have been
I also importantly don;t think the routines I was doing were right for me at the time.
I think moving forward with my workouts I am going to do a general workout of exercises of two body parts each workout with abs and warm up extra.
Sort of like:
Shoulders x 2
Back x 2
Chest x 2
Legs x 2
Biceps & Triceps alternate between workout
And work it up to four workouts a week with an additional interval training cardio session if I get the time.
Each workout will use different exercises for the different body parts so I am not doing the same exercise each workout.
But for the next couple of weeks I am happy to just test the waters so to speak giving my body a chance to get back into working out and finding what my muscles can handle.
It's been a big shock to my system the first few times and I have had to start all the way down the bottom of the weights again, but I dare say within a few weeks will know what my muscles can and cannot handle.
So I am off to the gym again tonight and will do my first overall workout I think most likely:
I pulled myself to the gym last night and did the nearly unthinkable - a legs workout!
I hate doing legs workouts more than anything else, but I did a 5 exercise leg workout and then abs routine.
So now I hurt all over!
UGH!
I am going to get one more workout on this week and I will have reached my mini goal of actually going to the gym three times this week.
Next week will be tougher as we have a party planned this weekend and I know any gym workouts next week will be either a total wimp out or a total lack of motivation.
But my aim is still to go the gym three times a week for the rest of the month.
It's sort of like a light getting back to the routine first and then I am going to start putting some proper thought and strategy into the gym.
The stunning picture is of the Fitness Model and Trainer David Rich, go visit his site for tips and very nice eye candy!
My blogging seems to have trailed off significantly at late.
Blame it on spending so much time working and dealing with family and other issues.
Work is an interesting contradiction at times. It can be so busy and stressful that I get anxious and stressed out. While at other times I seem to immerse myself and enjoy the concentration. I am striving to find a balance in work where the time I enjoy my business outweighs the times I want to throw the towel in and walk away.
One of my largest stresses is my search for a new staff member which just seems to be going nowhere.
I took the plunge about 6 weeks ago and enlisted the help of a recruiter to find me the new junior sales person.
After four weeks of nothing finally a candidate came along who ticked almost all the boxes, ambitious, smart and eager to work.
We made the offer, he accepted and then the day before he was supposed to start he rang and declined the offer, because in his words he wanted a larger company with far more long term promotion opportunities.
So we are back waiting for more candidates to interview.
It is tough running your own business, you don't worry about the now you always worry about three months time. I have always had a business philosophy that I should have about 3 months of cash in the bank to actually pay all the staff and bills.
The last year has been tough trying to get that balance, sometimes I walk into the office and I dread the day, not because things are bad, more I have this burning desire to grow the business and get far more security.
But I have to learn that in small business security is what you make of it and it's all perception anyway.
The other big thing that is taking both my time and giving me an emotional roller coaster ride is my parents.
Last year mum had a minor stroke and was diagnosed with advanced dementia. It's an insidious disease and we know the long term outcome we just don't know the time frame.
Her mental ability is significantly reduced these days and the progression of the illness is starting to take it's toll not just on her but my father, sister and myself.
It's obvious that she is unable to comprehend rational thought and her much of her memory is shot.
My father who is her defacto carer is also going through his own battles with dementia just not as pronounced as my mother's. I can see the same lack of rational reasoning in my father that my mother was displaying last year. You can't reason with him (I totally gave up on trying to reason with my mother because all it did was frustrate me).
They live alone and help look after each other, but this can't go on forever (or much longer). We need to get them into care situation, at the moment they could live in assisted care (own apartment in a retirement village) but they are absolutely adamant that they will not go.
And I know that if we push them it could cause a serious mental decline that could hasten their deaths.
At some stage soon and the problem is we don't really know when, my mother will need dementia care in nursing home. She can do simple things when prompted and reminded but the simple tasks like getting dressed or setting a table still get messed up and confused.
Because of the dementia we can't reason with them or even explain to them the gravity of the situation and why they need to go into care.
It's frustrating and scary for us because we want them to be safe, but it's a catch 22 situation. If we push them into care now it could cause another serious breakdown, while if we do nothing they could have a serious accident (think burning the place down while getting confused making dinner).
So we are looking at the retirement village options where there are three levels of care, assisted living, hostel care and nursing home care. But if we bring it up with them they dig there heals in and maintain that everything is fine, even though it's patently not.
It's all very stressful and difficult really.
With all of this stress I have not been able to do the thing which I know will help me manage my stress the most and that's give up smoking and get back to the gym.
It's a vicious cycle for me really, I am acutely aware that smoking and lack of exercise makes me tired and more stressed, but I just can't seem to actually bring myself to make the plunge and stop the evil weed.
Can you see the total hypocrisy here and mirror between my parents inability to accept they need care and my inability to stop smoking and do something about my own stress levels?
It's absurdly obvious to me!
I had a minor epiphany a few weeks back when I was talking to my sister who has a similar vicious cycle to me, not with smoking but her own fitness and eating habits.
The stress of my parents has led her to put on some weight and this has made her unhappy, she knows that if she loses some weight and gets some exercise she will be better able to manage her stress levels.
I was busy giving her advice on what to do and then I stopped, stepped back a moment and realized I have no right to tell her how to do this when it's again like a mirror of my own situation.
Minor epiphany indeed!
Maybe this is just fundamental human nature in that we do self destructive things that cause us stress. We instinctively know that these things add to our stress and if we fix them we are much better able to cope, but we lack that strength of character or willpower or whatever it is to actually change things.
Years ago when I worked in consulting I used to work in large scale public incident management and one of the most experienced people in the field told me some key words of wisdom about managing a major incident.
Manage the incident, don't let it manage you.
I think this concept is really apt right now. I am letting the 'incident' manage me and I am not managing it.
It's doesn't matter that you can't actually manage things that are out of control, but what you can do is manage the response to the incident and mitigate the things you can change.
Quite a few of our friends are in one form of twelve step program or another and I was reminded the other day of their serenity mantra:
Give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Regardless of whether you have an addiction or just need to refocus your self it's an excellent mantra don't you think?
Interestingly I used to use my blog as a way for me to help focus myself, write my thoughts out and un-scamble them. I do find writing things down cathartic and helpful so maybe I should start again.
I am a thirty something married gay boy living in Sydney, almost on top of the gay scene but not in it!
Why Sometimes blue?, because I love blue, but also I am sometimes blue :)
I always love some hot eye candy and Guys Wth iPhones never disappoints!
He looks bloody hot if you ask me!
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